Deeper Into Another Cult: Happiness Is a Warm Springfield ’03 Bolt-Action Rifle

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Pluses:

  • Is actually from World War II. Vintage. Awakens ghosts.
  • Has a bolt action! Spent shells sound cool as they fly onto the ground.
  • Grants me libertarian Second Amendment cred.
  • Endears me to rednecks.
  • Is very loud.
  • Teaches you what a “magazine cut-off switch” does.
  • Holds up to five rounds.
  • Cool Springfield Armory logo and date (1-42) stamped on barrel.
  • Finally something onto which I can latch all my trigger locks!

Minuses:

  • Expensive ammo — $15+ per 20-round box!
  • Shoots high.
  • Bruises shoulder.

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