Itinerary for Maui (Which Is Where I Am)

Coming to you from the cheapest hotel on all of Maui — good-sized room, kind of dark everywhere, and it smells like Herb the barber (he cut my hair when I was a kid). I’m guessing this didn’t used to be a non-smoking room. And given that I’m on Maui, I’m forced to wonder whether I am, in fact, nearly dead. Or perhaps was secretly married to someone without my knowledge. Possibly both.

Here’s a picture of me, in the room, nailing down my plans for the next eight days:

maui seaside hotel room

Me operating a computer via telekinesis.

I feel like I have to put a photo in every post now what with this new “magazine-style” theme I’m rocking.

1/1 (Friday)
Check In
Go to Wal-Mart (or similar)
Walk Around

1/2 (Saturday)
Waihee Ridge Hike
Iao Needle?
Relocate to Snazzier Accommodations

1/3 (Sunday)
Sliding Sands Hike (Haleakala NP)

1/4 (Monday)
Drive around the Western Lobe (Honolua, Nakalele Blowhole, the 40-mi. marker view; Olivine Pools)
Try Not to Do Too Much

1/5 (Tuesday)
La Perouse Coves Hike and Snorkel

1/6 (Wednesday)
MTB Down Skyline Rd. (on Haleakala)

1/7 (Thursday)
Na’ili’ili-Haele Falls Hike

1/8 (Friday)
Hana Highway

1/9 (Saturday)
Lahaina Pali Hike

That’s it. I should probably include days/meals for the three or four restaurants that were recommended to me by my insider. Next draft.



  • Roberta

    So much athleticism. I am tired just reading your itinerary. How about alcohol free mai tais on the beach at sunset?

    • bkdunn

      Should also mention that I haven’t really gotten off the couch at any time in the last two weeks before getting here, I guess. That is to say, it’s not like I’ve been working really hard and need to “relax” and “get away from it all”. Plus, if I need “down time” on “the beach”, I’ll be hanging out in San Diego for a few months once I get back to “the mainland”. That’s a much cheaper place for me to do nothing productive. Plus, if I get everything done here that needs doing, then I don’t have to come back again if I don’t want. Plus most of the activities listed take less than three hours, so it’s not like they wouldn’t accommodate some sitting-around time. Not that I need it necessarily.

  • Jessica

    Why did you decide to go to Maui and not Kauai where I think there is more to do from a hiking / adventure stand point? Was it that wife of yours from that secret marriage you didn’t know about? She’s already starting to dominate!

  • bice710

    I’m with Roberta. Check out Lahaina, I enjoyed it. The banyan trees are pretty cool. And why do you require my email address for a comment? Seems intrusive.

  • telkontar

    And now we see why Brian is single, he would prefer to date once he’s dead.

    Mrs. Telk

    • bkdunn

      Comparing a private party that requires a hoop to be jumped through in order for his private property blog to not get gunked up with spam purveyors doesn’t seem very comparable to the Patriot Act. (And fwiw, you can use a fake email address, you just have to use the same one every time otherwise it won’t recognize you and will put you in the pending comments queue.)

  • telkontar

    “Plus, if I get everything done here that needs doing, then I don’t have to come back again if I don’t want.”

    One could infer from the above that:

    1. You are not there now because you “want” to be, but because there are things that need “doing.”

    2. Life is not something to be enjoyed, rather just a giant “to do list” with things to check off.

    Mrs. Telk

  • Roberta

    He’s actually doing black ops in Baghdad. The whole witty blog thing is his cover. Notice how he deliberately gave us a shot with his picture in it to “prove” he’s there.

  • bkdunn

    Hahaha! Very pleasant joke. Now no one pay attention to wacky Roberta and let’s all move on with our ordinary, tax-paying lives…