Worst Birds Ever
I made a pledge to myself two years ago that I’d one day post something on my blog about the birds that used to crap all over my deck when I lived on the lake in Mission Viejo. Was transferring photos off the laptop today and came across the cretins:
- They were always relieving themselves on my deck — the railing and floor.
- Sometimes they would vomit carcasses onto my deck. I found an entire dead crab there once.
- My brilliant neighbors fed them. At first they didn’t know what to feed them, so they called an ornithologist to get advice. He advised raw meat. Sometimes I found raw meat on my deck.
- I taped nails on top of my deck railing to keep them from standing there, but they just sort of stood around the nails.
- They have orange eyes and their feathers are greasy.
Coincidentally, I had this conversation with some random woman while on Kauai and visiting the arboretum:
Woman: Did you see those birds?
Me: Yes. I got a bunch of them at my house at home and I hate them.
Woman: Well I think it would be neat to live somewhere that has herons. Where do you live?
Me: California — Mission Viejo. You?
Woman: Uh — Lake Forest.
True story. (Lake Forest and Mission Viejo border each other icydk.)
(They’re “black-crowned night herons”. May they soon go extinct.)